We play a big role in our own suffering

Sometimes life is hard, and it feels like we will never see the end of the tunnel.

Everything feels so overwhelming. The tightness at the top of you chest, the shallow breathing, the physical pain of the emotions you cannot express.

Maybe you don’t even understand your emotions sometimes. Why do I feel this way? When I logically know I should not be feeling this way…

Emotions are the ones that show us the value we give to different things.

When we care a lot, we feel disappointment at the slightest deviation from our expectations.

When we don’t care, we go on indifferent of the outcome.

The key word here is: EXPECTATIONS.

When we have expectations, we build things up in our head. We want to see a certain outcome; we want things to work according to our vision of life. We become rigid.

We stay stuck in our own pattern of thinking.

And when things don’t go our way, we become disappointed.

Disappointment is the result of an unmet need, unmet desired outcome.

It is ok so want an outcome, but it is our attachment to that outcome that makes us suffer.

And that is where we contribute to our own suffering.

In Buddhism they teach us about non-attachment, and I love the principle, but I have to say sometimes it is very hard to put into practice.

I remember for many years I was obsessed with achieving something at work, and felt like mission impossible. And after some failed attempts I let it all go, and that was one of the most freeing experiences.

I also realised, that my obsession (attachment) to the idea that I have to achieve that one thing kept me stuck in a limited pattern of thinking and I could not see all the other opportunities right in front of me.

My pattern of thinking kept me in a narrow-minded mindset, stubborn and suffering because I just could not obtain what I wanted.

The moment I “gave up” all the doors opened, and I was showered with more abundance than I could ever imagine.

But yes the concept of letting go is also a difficult one.

How do you detach, how do you let go?

Unfortunately, there is no bullet proof solution, or one size fits all.

For me it was process of working on different parts of myself, creating the puzzle of my life.

I worked on my mindset, on healing my traumas, on reconnecting with my body, with my heart. I experimented, I cried on the kitchen floor in pain, I meditated.

Sometimes I even numbed myself with Netflix on the sofa.

But one thing was clear, I would always come back to the core and deal with whatever I had to deal with.

The “numbing” sessions were like mental and emotional breaks that I took consciously and intentionally. They didn’t last months, but maybe just hours or days.

Because I was so aware of my contribution to my suffering, and I tried to build an ecosystem and a bag of tools that I could use whenever necessary.

Being on the path of growth is not an easy task and takes a long time but totally worth it.

I have been through a lot, but I wholeheartedly can say I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So next time you feel hurt or disappointed because you didn’t get what you want, ask yourself about your contribution to your own suffering.

Can you reframe it?

• I am not getting what I want because what I actually need is….

• What can I learn from this “rejection”?

• Is this helping me clarify my needs in life?

If you resonate, but are not ready to work with me, you can also follow my Instagram page @mindful_connecting for more on the topic or check out my website and subscribe to my newsletter.

With loving presence,

Florina,

Mindful Connecting