Vocal Odyssey - a journey through the layers of the mind, body and soul

Where do I begin?

I attended a Vocal Odyssey retreat with Nessi Gomes in Koh Pangan, Thailand, and it was such a gentle, beautiful and deep transformative experience.

This was not another “let’s sing mantras circle” kind of thing. It was a journey through different layers of our voice, our creativity and our connection with our body and our soul.  It was a deep exploration of the different layers of our subconscious. I literally sang my heart out, and my inner child came to play.

I felt seen, heard, held and accepted in the most loving way.

On the first day we were asked about our intention for the week, and everyone came with beautiful deep powerful intentions. I came naked with an open heart and no intention, just a desire to accept whatever had to come through. I had already attended a short workshop with Nessi and it was very powerful. I trusted her and the process. I had a deep knowing that her method will bring out whatever had to come out, so I arrived and let go.

Nessi uses a mix of exercises that are fun, soft, challenging and everything in-between. She curated a journey and every exercise was well thought and a natural progression from the previous one.

We started the retreat with a soft landing and then on the second day we did a number of gentle exercises where we connected with our bodies and our voice, both alone and with a partner.

And guess what, I got triggered in partner work. It was a very simple and fun exercise, but it touched me deeply.

Tears started falling and when it was my time to express, my body couldn’t move, and my voice was stuck. I could not even make one sound. It was as if I lost my ability to use my voice….

The resistance was there, but I did not want to give up and I tried to continue with the exercises. By the time I got to the next partner and do another exercise, I had completely collapsed and couldn’t stop crying.

My ability to think disappeared, my voice was blocked, my body braced, and I just wanted to run away or crash on the floor.

Nessi was wonderful at offering me support and I had to stop and take a break because I clearly hit a sensitive point. I couldn’t get my body to feel safe, so my voice could not be released.

I stayed with my emotions. I was gentle with myself. Even though I felt so much shame, fear, helplessness, frustration…I was flooded with emotions that were completely disproportionate with what just happened. Jumping up and down and making animal sounds is no reason to cry and freeze, but here is the thing “the body keeps the score”.

Trauma is stored in every cell of our being and sometimes it gets triggered, and we get flooded with feelings that make no sense in the present moment. Because the body doesn’t make the distinction… if it doesn’t feel safe it braces for impact. And oh, it hurts like hell.

Sometimes the pain is even physical. I cried on the kitchen floor in physical pain so many times, because my body remembered something…

But the whole point is not to go revisit the old story every time.

And Nessi put it so well. Talking about what hurt us helps us to a limited extent, but after a while we have to move forward and find ways to be in the world, move energy without having the need to always cling to the past. Constantly revisiting the story can sometimes is not always helpful and can keep us stuck in victim mentality.

And so, I didn’t do that. I stayed present with what came and let it pass through me. I was a hot mess, but it didn’t matter, I was allowing my inner child to be messy, to cry, to be shy, to say no, and to express the darkness she felt …

But of course, there is a story behind, which made this retreat so layered and so powerful for me. The background story is that as a child my creativity, my voice and my self-expression was stolen from me by my environment, but most importantly by my art teacher that abused me. I am a painter and poet but that's not a side of me I often talk about...

And so, you see, attending a retreat on voice and singing, which is a form of art and creative expression, had a double fold meaning for me. And Nessi held space for me with so much love and compassion, like a bigger sister holding my hand. I felt seen, cared for and accepted for who I am, with all my quirks.

It was not about learning to speak or sing in front of people. When I was a lawyer I spoke in front of board rooms, in front of hundreds of people, in front of the EU Parliament, yet my voice never trembled as much as it did in this retreat where I felt safe enough to drop the mask and sing my heart, my emotions & my pain.

And I couldn’t have done it without the support of Nessi, Hayley and the group. All of them held space for me in their own way. They didn’t know my story, but each one of them treated me with kindness and every small interaction helped me come back to the present, come back to my body and my voice.

I have been on the path of self-development for over 15 years, yet this retreat showed me how layered some wounds are and how important it is to work with different modalities and techniques, because our psyche has more layers than an onion …

This retreat was gentle, soft yet so powerful. It helped me release and move energy. I went from freeze to safety in my body, through gentle voice and movement exercises and through the power of community.

Every woman and man in that room had their own story, and they all showed up in their own way for themselves. It was such a priceless experience to see everyone being themselves in their vulnerability. I saw so much strength in all of them and so much power, and it inspired me to show myself in my rawness.

In our daily lives, we all hold it together, we deliver, we navigate the matrix, we hold space for others, we wear masks… But once in a while we also need a space to crumble, to be messy, to struggle and to share in community and not just behind closed doors in therapy or coaching.

If there is one thing, I learned over the years is that we can’t force our healing and growth. There is no space for the logical brain/ ego to dictate what comes to surface.

And I let it happen through me, for me and for all the women in my family that came before me and had no voice…I did it for them, for myself and for the future generations of women and little girls…

The Sanctuary - an oasis of peace.

I also want to mention a few words about the location because it was truly an oasis of peace. The retreat was held at The Sanctuary in Koh Pangan, and the name is so fitting. Nestled in the middle of the jungle with access to a private beach, nourished by amazing food, massages and swimming in the sea. Going to the beach every day on my break and swimming, was one of the most grounding parts of the retreat.

Nessi held space with such candour, patience and soft love. It was like we were being guided by a big sister/mother energy. She was gentle and meticulous in her approach, guided by her heart. It was so beautiful to witness her embrace and embody her truth and creating so much beauty and safe space for transformation.

Hayley, started the days with gentle movement to awaken us and prepare us for the work with Nessi and it was a perfect combination. She was gentle and kind, and created a beautiful space for us to be in. She made sure everything run smoothly and seamlessly for us to enjoy the moment.

I left the retreat with love in my heart and a small space was created for more love and light to come in. I am forever grateful for this experience.

If you are struggling with fear of being see, you want to work with moving energy, or simply are curious about working with your voice I highly recommend Vocal Odyssey. Nessi tours and travels all over the world, so check her out and maybe the stars align, and she is somewhere in your area…

If this post resonated feel free to reach out or follow me on social media @mindful_connecting for more about navigating this journey called life.

With loving presence,

Florina 🌸